"What do we have to do for Hale tomorrow?"                                                                                   -Me
"Umm, nothing! Cause I'm not doing anything! Hahaha!"                                                                  -James

"This game [GTA 3] is so great. Can you like do some violent stuff for me?"                                               -Mr. Denault
"Like what?"                                                                                                                    -Clark Menge
"I know I'm supposed to tell you this game is bad... Like stomp a prostitute to death and get your money back." -Mr. Denault
"Well, I'd have to have sex with her first..."                                                                               -Clark
"Yes, yes. Do all that."                                                                                                                 -Mr. Denault

"What's wrong with it?"                                                                                                   -Fred Dyson
"Fred, if you eat that... ...AAAAAAAAAAAA"                                                                            -Everyone

"My parents are such losers. My dad uses online dating services. And he's 51."                                            -Will Clifton
"At least he doesn't look for 15-year-old girls, does he?"                                                                     -Me
"Noooo, that's like something I would do. ...When I'm 51."                                                                     -Will Clifton

"Oh my God. It's a white woman with a black man's... phallus."                                                          -Me
"Lemme see! ...Oh my God, this woman has a cock... ...oh my God. And a leash!... ...That vagina's smiling at me!"       -James

"Fred, will your cousin suck my dick?"                                                                                      -James
"My cousin will BEAT YOUR ASS"                                                                                      -Fred
"...Will she suck my dick though?"                                                                                                 -James
"...maybe."                                                                                                                            -Fred
[Points to a porno magazine] "Will she do this?"                                                                              -James
"No. Well, maybe."                                                                                                               -Fred

"James, why you have those fuzzy things in your car?"                                                                  -James's grandpa
"The fuzzy dice?"                                                                                                                       -James
"Yeah. People thought I was a brother when I was drivin over here."                                                      -James's grandpa

"Hayes up out this piece."                                                                                                        -Me
"...Shizzy..."                                                                                                                         -McAfee

"My mother's barren. She was barren after my sister was born."                                                          -Sachin
"Then how did she have you?"                                                                                               -Ryan
"I don't know."                                                                                                                 -Sachin

"Are we going to carve the pumpkin tonight?"                                                                                 -Will Brockman
"No. We all have to have sex with it first."                                                                                 -Me
"I already asked Hayes if I could fuck the pumpkin..."                                                                 -Marks

"How's Woodberry?"                                                                                                               -Elise
"All in all, not too bad. I mean I could be dying of syphilis or something."                                              -Me

"What are we gonna do with the asparagus?"                                                                                   -Hib Kline
"...We have to eat the asparagus."                                                                                                 -Mrs. Sheppard
"Anybody want to take the asparagus up to your room?"                                                                  -Rob Sellers

"Stop it! I'll fuck your sister!"                                                                                                         -James
"I don't have a sister."                                                                                                                 -Fred
"Well I'll fuck your mom, and then you'll have a sister, and then I'll fuck your sister!"                                   -James

(At 7:50 AM) "It's gonna be kind of hard to get..."                                                                           -Hayes
"Breakfast?"                                                                                                                    -Me
"A check. ...Or a shower."                                                                                                        -Hayes

[Looking inquisitively at a wine bottle] "Where's the cork?"                                                            -Dad
"In the bottle. ...You're not driving."                                                                                            -Mom

"How come there's only a Black History Month?"                                                                        -Fred
"Yeah, we need a White People Month"                                                                                        -Me
"It's called every month except February"                                                                                    -Hayes

"Don't be sacrilegious."                                                                                                                 -Kelley
"Oops."                                                                                                                        -Max

"OK, let's look on the bright side. Does she have any hot friends?"                                                      -Sadler
"She doesn't have any friends... at all."                                                                                           -Me
"Oh. Oh well, never mind... I guess it's a total loss"                                                                        -Sadler

"Mia Hamm scares me. She's stronger than me. She could crush my head between her thighs."                            -Me
"Well, altogether, that wouldn't be a bad way to go..."                                                                -Mr. Denault

"You suck."                                                                                                                            -McAfee
"You suck worse."                                                                                                                       -Me
"No, I suck better."                                                                                                             -McAfee

"This could use some reparation..."                                                                                                -Me
"Reparation?"                                                                                                                   -Mr. Murphy
"Did I invent that word?"                                                                                                         -Me
"No, you just used it unproperly."                                                                                                 -Mr. Murphy

"God, my resume's too long!"                                                                                                      -Me
"Probably am."                                                                                                                  -McAfee

"Where are you from?"                                                                                                            -Tom DeLuca
"Ummmm... Spain?"                                                                                                                -Marshall Ruffin, a.k.a. Ricky Martin

"I wonder if gay bars have ladies' bathrooms..."                                                                                     -Me
"They do. At least the ones I've been to."                                                                                          -Ms. Cope
"You go to gay bars?"                                                                                                            -Me
"Yeah!"                                                                                                                        -Ms. Cope
"WHY?"                                                                                                                         -Jess Godfrey
"So guys don't bother me."                                                                                                        -Ms. Cope

"What do I pay you for?"                                                                                                          -McAfee
"For fucking your mom."                                                                                                   -Me
"No, that's what I pay Tilmann for. What do I pay you for?"                                                                    -McAfee

"Jimmy, what about you is misunderstood?"                                                                                    -Launch.com
"He's not as satanic as you might think..."                                                                                         -Chris Robinson (Black Crowes)
"That's today. You weren't with me two days ago."                                                                             -Jimmy Page

"Who can I box that won't fuck me up in the first 10 seconds... I should box Kerry!"                                       -Me
"Naw, she'd kick your ass. You should box Sadler."                                                                            -Max

"I can beat on Dan, because I'm his father."                                                                                 -Ryan
"No, Jimmy Page is my father, so that makes you not my father."                                                         -Me
"No, that makes me Jimmy Page."                                                                                            -Ryan

"Who was the first important playwright to come from the Group Theater?"                                                  -Mr. Abbott
"HITLER!"                                                                                                                              -Marshall Ruffin

"Mr. Denault, we're allowed to be out of our rooms during first period, right?"                                           -Jess Godfrey
"No."                                                                                                                                 -ED
"But the Blue Book says we are!"                                                                                                   -Jess Godfrey
"[Hesitates]   ...Well it shouldn't."                                                                                              -ED

"Last year, someone broke into my student number and replaced everything in my H drive with porno."            -Jessica Broaddus
"That sucks.     ...     ...So was it good porno?"                                                                                          -Dave Davidson

"Hola."                                                                                                                        -Mr. Bond
"...Bonjour!"                                                                                                                          -My French class in unison

""What are some properties of anhydrous ethyl alcohol?"                                                                -PAV3
"It's combustible?"                                                                                                              -Chat Hull
"What else?"                                                                                                                    -PAV3
"It's flammable?"                                                                                                                       -Jack Parrott
"It burns?"                                                                                                                            -Clark Crenshaw

"Well I'm named after a popular variety of doll."                                                                             -Kenneth Sadler Meyers
"What, Sadler?"                                                                                                                 -Ryan Seabrook Carter

"I paid for Sadler's mom..."                                                                                                      -Me
"I wouldn't pay for Sadler's mom!"                                                                                                 -Ryan
"Neither would I."                                                                                                               -Sadler

"Hey Sadler, what does 'Renaissance' mean?"                                                                                  -Me
"Umm... Salt?"                                                                                                                  -Sadler

"Is she hot?"                                                                                                                   -Me
"She's Korean."                                                                                                                 -Ryan Carter

"Mr. Huber, you're the second coming of Christ."                                                                              -Ryan Carter
"Thank you. That's only the second time I've received that kind of compliment."                                    -Mr. Huber
"What was the first?"                                                                                                            -Ryan Carter
"I don't think that's an appropriate conversation for the lunch line..."                                                         -Mr. Huber

[Randomly] "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHAHAHA"                                                               -Charles Wilson
"What's wrong?"                                                                                                                 -Mr. Brewster
"I was just picturing you with a mullet!"                                                                                           -Charles Wilson

"One of the harder parts of teaching is that you have to teach people smarter than you are."                         -Mr. Brewster
"I'll beat them up for you."                                                                                                      -Anderson Jarman

"And if you fuck with me, I'll bring all my Risonese people and kick your ass!"                                    -Riso Straley
"Then I'll pull out my guns and mow you down like Guadalcanal!"                                                  -Max Brandon

"That's right, if you don't take Latin or run cross-country, you don't count."                                            -Mr Brewster
"So if you graduate valedictorian, take Spanish, and make all-prep in soccer, you're not worth a damn?"        -March Chase
"No, you just don't count."                                                                                                       -Mr Brewster

"No, James! Don't eat them! Don't act like some fat kid!"                                                                      -Sadler Meyers
"Mmph frgh hmph phrmph...."                                                                                                       -James Maybank with his mouth full of food

"I want to put all the poor people in the world in a flying airship. That'll keep them off the streets."                      -Calder Preyer
"But they'd crash! They can't even support themselves, how do you expect them to support an airship?"          -Dave Davidson
"Oh well, no more poor people!"                                                                                            -Calder Preyer

"I think I've done surprisingly well on my exams so far..."                                                                    -Me
"Well, that's to be expected. As long as you don't have to meet any deadlines, you're fine."                         -Mr. Glover

"Take that back! Take it back!"                                                                                            -Sadler
"No; rather, I will take it forward!"                                                                                              -Me

"I'm armed!"                                                                                                                    -Me
"Well, I'm legged!"                                                                                                              -Sadler

"Don't beat up on Dan!"                                                                                                          -Owen
"Why not? Everybody else does!"                                                                                            -Jimmy
"That doesn't make it right..."                                                                                                   -Owen
____________________________

Stuff I hear at night as I'm dropping off to sleep and the voices in my head start to babble:

"For the past three months, I have no home for tomorrow!"
                                    -A random voice, female I think, which sounded very distraught

"If you want something, you want something. If you don't want something, you get more of it."
                                    -Sounded kind of like Fred Dyson

"When I was a kid, we did monodaily setups, and the whole thing did not come over our left eye!"
                                    -Mr. Williams

"Y'all don't understand! I never seen so many Dominican women with cinnamon tans!"
                                    -Kerry Davis, I swear to God

"The String Theory consists of a four-leaf clover held aloft on a pole."
                                    -Unknown

"Anybody who does not know what Willie Booth looks like... is not magnolia consortium. That is my final answer."
                                    -A British-sounding guy

"If you control them, you must be theirs!!!"
                                    -Maybe the same British guy

"This water stinks!"
                                    -Unknown
____________________________

Really dumb crap people have said:

"I didn't broke it, you asshole!"                                                                                           -Me

"No I weren't!"                                                                                                          -Me again

"I didn't do my homework."                                                                                                 -David Mallman
"...Yeah?"                                                                                                                      -Zach Gordon
"What time is 5:20?"                                                                                                      -David Mallman

"Sir, are you the cruise director?"                                                                                         -Some really stupid woman on Alaska cruise
"Yes, ma'am, I am."                                                                                                       -Matt, cruise director / MC
"My husband and I would like to settle an argument. Do you use seawater in the swimming pool?"         -Stupid woman
"We filter it, disinfect, desalinate, and chlorinate it, but yes."                                                       -Matt
"You see, honey? I told you, that's why the pool is so rough tonight!"                                            -Stupid woman

"Sir, can you tell me if these stairs go up as well as down?                                                            -Another really stupid woman

"Excuse me, does this elevator go both to the front of the ship and to the back of the ship?"                 -A third really stupid woman

"When's your A-period tomorrow?"                                                                                     -Someone freshman year

"Are you really Jamaican?"                                                                                                 -Anonymous [yes, talking to me]

"The question is, how many of the people died in the crash, and how many were corpses in the cemetary?" -McAfee
"McAfee, you're an idiot, aren't you?"                                                                               -Me
"No. Why?"                                                                                                               .-McAfee
"IT'S A JOKE, THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT"                                                                         -Me
"...Oh. Oh, the plane was a two-seater. I guess I missed that."                                                  -McAfee

ABOUT HALF THE THINGS RYAN HAS EVER SAID

EVERYTHING PAPIERNIAK HAS EVER SAID
____________________________

Here's a  little song to brighten up your day...

Die Eier von Satan

Eine halbe Tasse Staubzucker
Ein Viertel Teelöffel Salz
Eine Messerspitze türkisches Haschisch
Ein halbes Pfund Butter
Ein Teelöffel Vanillenzucker
Ein halbes Pfund Mehl
Einhundertfünfzig Gramm gemahlene Nüsse
Ein wenig extra Staubzucker
... Und keine Eier

In eine Schüssel geben
Butter einrühren
Gemahlene Nüsse zugeben und
Den Teig verkneten

Augenballgroße Stücke vom Teig formen
Im Staubzucker wälzen und
Sagt die Zauberwörter
Simsalbim bamba Saladu Saladim

Auf ein gefettetes Backblech legen und
Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen
...und KEINE EIER

Bei zweihundert Grad für fünfzehn Minuten backen
...und Keine Eier
____________________________

Translation:

The Eggs from Satan

Half a cup of powdered sugar
One quarter teaspoon salt
One knifetip Turkish hash
Half a pound butter
One teaspoon vanilla-sugar
Half a pound flour
150 g ground nuts
A little extra powdered sugar
...and no eggs

Place in a bowl
Add butter
Add the ground nuts and
Knead the dough

Form eyeball-size pieces from the dough
Roll in the powdered sugar
and say the Magic Words:
"Sim sala bim bamba sala do saladim"

Place on a greased baking pan and
Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...AND NO EGGS

Bake at 200 degrees for 15 minutes
...and no eggs.
____________________________

Here's another song I found amusing.

My mother is a dope fiend
My mother smokes paraphenelia as I speak
My mother buys cocaine from a dope man
She loves to smoke that crack pipe

My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks

My mother smoked that crack like a cigar
She had a good time at it
She jacks my brother for dope money
She does it by threatening him with a Smith & Wesson

My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks

At 11:00 PM, the police came to my mother's house to eject her
They arrested my mother for possession of a controlled substance
My mother was taken to the metal clink
They locked her up for being a loser

My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks
My mother smokes crack rocks

Rock over London
Rock on Chicago

Remco, it's the go-ahead-and-get-it store
____________________________

This works best when read aloud:

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No ideer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?

Still no ideer.

What do you call a deer with no eyes, legs, or balls?

Still no fuckin' ideer.
____________________________

Good poetry:

Because I could not stop for Death-
He kindly stopped for me-
The Carriage held but just Ourselves-
And Immortality.

We slowly drove-He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility-

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess-in the Ring-
We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain-
We passed the Setting Sun-

Or rather-He passed Us-
The Dews drew quivering and chill-
For only Gossamer, my Gown-
My Tippet-only Tulle-

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground-
The Roof was scarcely visible-
The Cornice-in the Ground-

Since then-'tis Centuries-and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity-
                                    -Emily Dickinson

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure- then, from thee much more must flow;
And soonest our best men with thee dose go,
Rest of their bones and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell;
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well,
And better then thy stroke. Why swell'st thou then?
One short sleep passed, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
                                    -John Donne

                      Et iam nox umida caelo
praecipitat suadentque cadentia sidera somnos.
Sed si tantus amor casus cognoscere nostros
et breviter Troiae supremum audire laborem,
quamquam animus meminisse horret luctuque refugit
incipiam.
                                    -Vergil

I met a traveler from an antique land
Who said: two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert... Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
                                    -Percy Bysshe Shelley

Then be not coy, but use your time;
        And while ye may, go marry;
For having lost but once your prime,
        You may forever tarry.
                                    -Robert Herrick

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
                                    -Dylan Thomas

Tros Anchisiadae, facilis descensus Averno,
noctes atque dies patet atri janua Ditis
sed revocare gradum superasque evadere ad auras,
hoc opus, hic labor est.
                                    -Vergil, Aeneid VI 126-129

Per me si va ne la citta dolente,
        per me si va ne l'etterno dolore,
        per me si va tra la perduta gente.
Giustizia mosse il mio alto fattore;
        fecemi la divina podestate,
        la somma sapienza e 'l primo amore.
Dinanzi a me non fuor cose create
        se non etterne, e io etterna duro.
        Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate'.
                                    -Dante, Inferno, Canto III, lns. 1-9
____________________________

Proof that there's something up with Reimers (as if this is news to anyone):

_~I_?_____> ______I_Ï_ has joined the chat.

Stephen Sutton has left the chat.

sxà___÷_____÷_÷_Ô÷_ä÷_º¬K_?ú______ù_________l·÷¿ûA÷¿?ü¿â_÷¿____Ûø¿8nP?___4ø_(___4ø_(___,ø_____Ü___?g?_:?_ù_________?g?_____ø__8_{Ü______4ø_(___4ø_(___,ø_____xù_\ø_c#_{Ü___     ___4ø_(___@____ð_hù__: Dan the man, I can not have the time for chat, so late am I with work to hat.

_f_*çRZö?__HideApplicationToº¬K_üø_____÷_________l·÷¿ûA÷¿?ü¿â_÷¿____Ûø¿8nP?___~ö_(___~ö_(___ö_____Ü___?g?_ has left the chat.

____ö__8_{Ü______~ö_(___~ö_(___ö_____ä÷_Èö_c#_{Ü__ has left the chat.

The above is a transcription, verbatim, of a FirstClass chat with Reimers and Tex. Note that everything Reimers said was preceded by a string of unintelligable symbols. His name was also represented as a series of unintelligable symbols. His bad karma screws up computers.
____________________________

And finally, some deep, thought-provoking (or just good) quotes:

"I wanna run away, never say goodbye,
I wanna know the truth instead of wondering why,
I wanna know the answers, no more lies,
I wanna shut the door and open up my mind"
                                    -Linkin Park

"Be who you are and say what you feel, cause the people who mind don't matter and the people who matter don't mind."
                                    -Dr. Seuss

"You make your own luck."
                                    -Hale

"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win."
                                    -Mohandas K. "Mahatma" Gandhi

"...faith means believing the incredible, or it is no virtue at all."
                                    -G.K. Chesterton

"Courage is reistance to fear, mastery of fear- not absence of fear."
                                    -Mark Twain

"This world can turn me down, but I won't turn away,
And I won't duck and run, cause I'm not built that way;
If everything is gone, there's nothing there to fear,
This world cannot bring me down, no, cause I'm already here.
(I must have told you a thousand times, I'm not running away)"
                                    -Three Doors Down

"Level with God and you're in tune with the universe.
Talk with yourself and you'll hear what you wanna know.
Gotta rise above 'cause below it's only gettin' worse.
Life in time will take you where you wanna go."
                                    -Aerosmith

"Nothing ventured, nothing gained,
Feel no sorrow, feel no pain...
Kiss me while I'm still alive,
Kill me while I kiss the sky,
Let me die on my own terms,
Let me live and let me learn,
Now I follow my own way
And I'll live on to another damn day,
Freedom carries sacrifice.
Remember when this was
                             my life?"
                                    -Three Doors Down

"This island is big enough for every castaway, but most of us are looking 'round for someone else to blame..."
                                    -Chumbawamba

"His chariots of wrath the thunderclouds form,
And dark is His path on the wings of the storm"
                                    -Hymn 388

"Living like this is no better than dying.'
                                    -The Black Crowes

"Meet me, Jesus, meet me, meet me in the middle of the air,
And if my wings should fail me Lord, please meet me with another pair."
                                    -Led Zeppelin

"I am just a dreamer, but you are just a dream; you could have been anyone to me"
                                    -Neil Young

"It's better to burn out than to fade away"
                                    -Def Leppard, on the wall of the Quonset Hut

"I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame
Pardon me, pardon me... I'll never be the same."
                                    -Incubus

"Flapping your wings is not always flying."
                                    -Dad

"If you want to kiss the sky, better learn how to kneel... On your knees, boy!"
                                    -U2, "Mysterious Ways"

"Mystery is not about darkness. It's about intrigue. There's a fine line in between, of course. Not even a fine line... it's a gossamer thread."
                                    -Robert Plant

"You can't kill nothin that's ready to die."
                                    -Nas

"Make a joke and I will sigh
and you will laugh and I will cry
Happiness I cannot feel
and love to me is so unreal"
                                    -Black Sabbath

"Can't help about the shape I'm in,
I can't sing I ain't pretty and my legs are thin.
Don't ask me what I think of you,
I might not give the answer that you want me to."
                                    -Fleetwood Mac

"Don't you think I want you?
Don't you think I would?
Don't you think I'd tell you baby
If I only could?"
                                    -The Black Crowes

"The whole search is for the unknown. We're always looking..."
                                    -Jimmy Page

"There's always this time thing. Everything, for me, seems to be a race against time... I know what I want to get down and I haven't much time to do it in... I want to move."
                                    -Jimmy Page

"Don't let anything you can control keep you from doing well."
                                    -Mr. Hale

"Today is what I call a great opportunity. We're missing our top two runners, and they crushed us at Mercersburg even when we had our top two runners. The odds are against us. But keep this in mind: this is your chance to do something great. Every hero in the history of the world got there by doing something against the odds. And all it takes for that is guts and nerve. You've got to have the audacity to dare to do something great that flies in the face of the odds. We've got the opportunity to give these guys one hell of a shock today."
                                    -Mr. Hale before the EHS meet. They won 25-31. As Mr. Hale said, "If we'd had our top two, it would have been a bloodbath."
                                           We beat them rather decisively  at States.

"I have never been prouder of any group of people than I am of you guys right now."
                                    -Mr. Hale

"Why don't you take a good look at yourself and describe what you see, and baby, baby, baby, do you like it?"
                                    -Led Zeppelin

"I remember what I told Worm: You can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either."
                                    -Rounders

"Well, I don't really think that the end can be assessed as of itself as being the end because what does the end feel like? It's like saying when you try to extrapolate the end of the universe, you say, if the universe is indeed infinite, then how - what does that mean? How far is all the way, and then if it stops, what's stopping it, and what's behind what's stopping it? So, what's the end, you know, is my question to you."
                                    -David St. Hubbins (Courtesy of Mr. Vickers)

"Though their course may change sometimes, rivers always reach the sea."
                                    -Led Zeppelin

"And Eternity, my friend, is a long fuckin' time!"
                                    -Bad Religion

"Want to live my life for me! Why can't they just let me be?"
                                    -Agnostic Front

"You can have it all, but how much do you want it?"
                                    -Oasis

"Life's just a blast, it's just it's moving really fast, you better stay on top or Life will kick you in the ass."
                                    -Limp Bizkit

"And everybody wants to run, everybody wants to hide from the gun, you can take a ride through this life if you want, but you can't take the edge off the knife. And now you want your money back? Well you're denied, 'cause your brain's fried from the sack, and there aint nothing I can do, 'cause life is a lesson. You learn it when you're through.
                                    -Limp Bizkit

"They say there's a heaven for those who await; some say it's better, but I say it ain't. I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints; the sinners are much more fun. You know that only the good die young!"
                                    -Billy Joel

"If you want to be great, you've got to strive to be perfect."
                                    -John Madden

"False face must hide what the false heart doth know..."
                                    -Shakespeare, Macbeth

"As soon as you're born, you start dying, so you might as well have a good time."
                                    -Cake

"You know, as much as I hate this mo'fucker... I love this mo'fucker. That's the way the ghetto is."
                                    -Coolio

"I never thought I'd die alone; I laughed the loudest, who'd have known?"
                                    -Blink 182

"The door is open, come on inside..."
                                    -Dispatch

"Revenge is the most powerful story of all."
                                    -Kurt Vonnegut

"Don't yield to the mighty, you got your own dirt to dig."
                                    -Dispatch

"If you don't stand for something, you will fall for anything."
                                    -Dre

"Pick it up, Dan!"
                                    -Reimers

"What have you learned?"
                                    -DMX
____________________________

There's a lady who's sure
All that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven.
When she gets there she knows
If the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

There's a sign on the wall
But she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings.
In a tree by the brook
There's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven.

Oooh, it makes me wonder.
Oooh, it makes me wonder.

There's a feeling I get
When I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving.
In my thoughts I have seen
Rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking.

Oooh, it makes me wonder.
Oooh, it really makes me wonder.

And it's whispered that soon
If we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason.
And a new day will dawn
For those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow
Don't be alarmed now
It's just a spring clean for the May queen.
Yes, there are two paths you can go by,
But in the long run
And there's still time to change the road you're on.

And it makes me wonder.

Your head is humming and it won't go
In case you don't know,
The piper's calling you to join him.
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow,
And did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind?

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul,
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last.
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying a stairway to heaven.

(Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven)
____________________________
                                                                                    
The Queen of Light took her bow
And then she turned to go
The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom
And walked the night alone

Oh, dance in the dark of night
Sing to the morning light

The dark lord rides in force tonight
And time will tell us all, oh

Oh, throw down your plow and hoe
Rest not to lock your homes

Side by side we wait the night
Of the darkest of them all

I hear the horses' thunder
Down in the valley below
I'm waiting for the angels of Avalon
Waiting for the eastern glow

The apples of the valley hold
The seeds of happiness
The ground is rich from tender care
Repay, do not forget, no, no

Oh, dance in the dark of night
sing to the morning light

The apples turn to brown and black
The tyrant's face is red

Oh, war is the common cry
Pick up you swords and fly

The sky is filled with good and bad
That mortals never know

Oh, well, the night is long
The beads of time pass slow
Tired eyes on the sunrise
Waiting for the eastern glow

The pain of war cannot exceed
The woe of aftermath
The drums will shake the castle wall
The ring wraiths ride in black, ride on

Sing as you raise your bow
Shoot straighter than before

No comfort has the fire at night
That lights the face so cold

Oh, dance in the dark of night
Sing to the morning light

The magic runes are writ in gold
To bring the balance back

Bring it back

At last the sun is shining
The clouds of blue roll by
With flames from the dragon of darkness
The sunlight blinds his eyes

Bring it back

Oh now

Bring it back

Oh now

Bring it
Bring it
Bring it
Bring it

(Led Zeppelin, The Battle of Evermore)
____________________________
                                                  
The river of doubt gave birth to a beautiful stone
And in my hand I held it and I knew I was on my own
So I picked it up and I held it to the sky

And in my reflection, I knew I was all alone

Then I saw this girl with the most beautiful hair
She had it wrapped around her for clothes she did not wear
I asked her for a lock and she complied, after leaving
Gorgeous footsteps in the sand as if she didn't care

Well, she was the prettiest girl I ever saw and
The stone lay still without a flaw
The feelings I had defied the law
As I came to, and I went to

And I took a look, a look down the road
To see a badger and a one-eyed toad
They didn't say a word, they just looked at me
With that wise old look of the old

Wise old look of the old

Then I went down to town
To my favorite merry-go-round
To the place where magic horses fly
And you seldom see a frown

But then I stole a ring from the flying horses
And I can't begin to explain how
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And it's all rusty now
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And I can't begin to explain how
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And it's all rusty now

It's all rusty

You see 'cause that stone fell through my pocket
And that lock of hair flew away with the wind
If you chance to meet upon either
Well you know where they've been

But don't pick them up or try to find me
They're much happier to be on their own
Beauty like that knows no home
And then if you take a look, a look down the road
And see a badger and a one-eyed toad
They won't say a word, they'll just look at you
With that wise old look of the old

Wise old look of the old

But then I stole a ring from the flying horses
And I can't begin to explain how
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And it's all rusty now
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And I can't begin to explain how
I stole a ring from the flying horses
And it's all rusty now

(Dispatch, Flying Horses)
____________________________
                                                  
A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty three, on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me.
But I guess that it comes with the territory;
an ominous landscape of never ending calamity.
I need you to hear, I need you to see that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like a definite possibility to me.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and its people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.
Not two days ago, I was having a look in a book
and I saw a picture of a guy fried up above his knees.
I said, "I can relate," 'cause lately I've been thinking of combustication
as a welcomed vacation from the burdens of the planet earth.
Like gravity, hypocrisy, and the perils of being in 3-D...
and thinking so much differently.
So pardon me while I burst into flames.
I've had enough of the world and it's people's mindless games.
So pardon me while I burn and rise above the flame.
Pardon me, pardon me....I'll never be the same.

(Incubus, Pardon Me)
____________________________
                                                  
They're trying hard to put me in my place
And that is why I got to keep running
The future is mine and it's no disgrace
Cause in the end the past means nothing

You tell me I'm free then you tie me down
And from my chains I think it's a pity
What did it cost you to wear my crown
You dont like me why don't you admit it

 I feel a little down today
And I aint got much to say
But youre gonna miss me when Im not there
You know I dont care, you know I dont care

As we beg and steal and borrow
Life is hit or miss
And this
I Hope, I Think, I Know
If I ever hear the names you call
And if I stumble catch me when I fall
Cause baby after all, You'll never forget my name

Youll never forget my name

You're trying hard to put me in my place
And that is why I got to keep running
The futures mine and it's no disgrace
Cause in the end your life means nothing

D'you feel a little down today?
But you ain't got much to say?
But you're gonna miss me when I'm not there
You know we dont care, You know we dont care

Cause as we beg and steal and borrow
Life is hit or miss
And this
I Hope, I Think, I Know
If I ever hear the names you call
And if I stumble catch me when I fall
Cause baby after all, You'll never forget my name

(Oasis, I Hope, I Think, I Know)
____________________________

What is this that stands before me?
Figure in black which points at me,
Turn 'round quick and start to run,
Find out I'm the chosen one
Oh, no!

Big black shape with eyes of fire,
Telling people their desire
Satan sitting there he's smiling,
Watches those flames get higher and higher
Oh, no, no, please God help me!

Is it the end, my friend?
Satan's come around the bend,
People running 'cos they're scared
Ya people better go and beware
No! No! Please! No!

(Black Sabbath, Black Sabbath)
____________________________

Some people say my love can not be true
Please believe me, my love, and I'll show you
I will give you those things you thought unreal
The sun, the moon, the stars all bear my seal

Follow me now and you will not regret
Leaving the life you led before we met
You are the first to have this love of mine
Forever with me 'till the end of time

Your love for me has just got to be real,
Before you know the way I'm going to feel,
I'm going to feel,
I'm going to feel

Now I have you with me under my pow'r
Our love grows stronger now with ev'ry hour
Look into my eyes, you'll see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand

Follow me now and you will not regret
Leaving the life you led before we met
You are the first to have this love of mine
Forever with me 'til the end of time

Your love for me has just got to be real,
Before you know the way I'm going to feel,
I'm going to feel,
I'm going to feel

Now I have you with me under my pow'r
Our love grows stronger now with ev'ry hour
Look into my eyes, you'll see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand

(Black Sabbath, N.I.B.)
____________________________

It ain't easy
Livin' like a gypsy
Tell ya honey how I feel

I've been dreamin'
Floatin' down the stream n'
Losin' touch with all that's real

Whole earth lover
Keepin' under cover
Never know where ya been

You've been fadin'
Always out paradin'
Keep in touch with Mama Kin

Well you've always got your tail on the wag
Shootin' fire from your mouth
Just like a dragon
You act like a perpetual drag
You better check it out
'Cause someday soon you'll have to
Climb back on the wagon

It ain't easy
Livin' like you wanna
It's so hard to find peace of mind, yes it is

The way I see it
You gotta say shit
But don't forget to drop me a line

Said, you're bald as an egg at eighteen
Workin' for your dad is just a drag
You still stuff your mouth with your dreams
You better check it out
'Cause someday soon you'll have to
Climb back on the wagon

Keep in touch with Mama Kin
Tell her were you've gone and been
Livin' out your fantasy
Sleepin' late and smokin' tea
Keep in touch with Mama Kin
Tell her were you've gone and been
Livin' out your fantasy
Sleepin' late and smokin' tea

It ain't easy
Livin' like you wanna
It's so hard to find peace of mind, yes it is

The way I see it
You gotta say shit
But don't forget to drop me a line

Said you're bald as an egg at eighteen
Workin' for your dad is just a drag
You still stuff your mouth with your dreams
You better check it out
'Cause someday soon you'll have to
Climb back on the wagon

Keep in touch with Mama Kin
Tell her were you've gone and been
Livin' out your fantasy
Sleepin' late and smokin' tea
Keep in touch with Mama Kin
Tell her were you've gone and been
Livin' out your fantasy
Sleepin' late and smokin' tea

(Aerosmith, Mama Kin)
____________________________

We all live on the edge of town,
Where we all live, ain't a soul around.
People start a' comin', all we do is just a' grin,
Said we gotta move it out, 'cause the city's movin' in.
I said we gotta move it out, 'cause the city's movin' in.

Tell me who you know, and I'll tell you who to
Go see my friend and he'll set you free.
Tell me what you need, and maybe I can go too
No one knows the way but maybe me.
Nobody goes there, nobody shows where, nobody knows where you can find me.

Good mornin' glory allelujah to ya
What is the story? What's been goin' through ya?
Livin' like a king off the fat of the land,
Workin' like a dog in a rock and roll band.

We're movin', we're getting out.
We're movin', without a doubt.
We're movin', we're goin' far.
We're movin', oh yes we are.
'Cause nobody goes there, nobody shows where, nobody knows where you can find me.
nobody goes there, nobody shows where, nobody knows where you can find me.

Level with God and you're in tune with the universe.
Talk with yourself and you'll hear what you wanna know.
Gotta rise above 'cause below it's only gettin' worse.
Life in time will take you where you wanna go.

Where you wanna go?
Where you wanna go?
Where you going?
Where you going?
Where you going?

Good mornin' glory allelujah to ya
What is the story? What's been goin' through ya?
Livin' like a king off the fat of the land,
Workin' like a dog in a rock and roll band.

We're movin', we're getting out.
We're movin', without a doubt.
We're movin', we're goin' far.
We're movin', oh yes we are.

Nobody knows where, nobody shows where, nobody knows where you can find me.
Nobody knows where, nobody shows where, nobody knows where you can find me.

We all live on the edge of town.
Where we all live, ain't a soul around.
People start a' comin', all we do is just a grin.
Said we gotta move, 'cause city's movin' in.

(Aerosmith, Movin' Out)










[NOTE: EVERYTHING IN YELLOW BELOW WAS IN WHITE ON MY RESUME. SO TEACHERS WOULD NEVER SUSPECT IT WAS THERE. CAUSE I MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN KICKED OUT IF ANYONE HAD FOUND IT, ESPACIALLY COLLINS.]



"Picture Mrs. Withroww naked and squealing with a pile of sh*t on her face."
"Mrs Hogan... She has problems... She has very large nipples."
"I would put that girl in the fuckin' hospital!"
"Am I going to whack? No, I'm going to to look at porno without whacking."
"I'm really going to love it if one of the girls reads that. I don't really care about Amy though. She's more of a guy really."
"Fucking Nacho Man fucking asshole..."
"When I first came here I thought nacho man was a pretty cool thing, but then I met Mr. Jacobs and I realized that a nacho man is the biggest jackass ever!"
"This thing is just begging to be shoved up Kerry's pussy." [Referring to a 4-D-Cell Maglite]
"She beat me[at a Nintendo 64 game], but she told me I was pretty good for my first time... I told her she was pretty good for her first time too, but that was in slightly different context"
"How do you fit in a rabbit?"
"I always put pubic hairs in my dip, it adds to the flavor."
"I don't hate niggers."
"Did you just call me a nigger? I don't appreciate that.." / "But Dan... you are."
"Mrs. Gillespie, I have your husband for biology now. Im going to fuck you."
                                    -Anonymous [Different people]














"Hey Fred, will she lick peanut butter out of my asshole?"                                                                     -James
"James, I'm not going to quote you on that, no matter how much you want me to. That was just too dirty."               -Me
"...No, I'm serious. Will she?"                                                                                                   -James
"...OK, now I might."                                                                                                            -Me

















"Hey! I can count the number of days we have left at Woodberry on my butthole!"
                                                                                                   --Lowry